They say people get the government they deserve, in which case the current sad state of politics in Australia is an indictment on our apathy and low standards. Behold exhibit A: Craig Thomson. Whether he is guilty of what he’s accused of I’m not sure I care. Or that it matters. Well, it matters from a legal point of view, because it appears funds were misused/stolen/pissedupagainstawall — whether it was Thomson or not. But even if it was Thomson, I find it hard to care in the context of politics, because the idea that a politician — Labor or Liberal — would lie, cheat or steal in a gross act of self interest is hardly a surprise. These days that’s more like a pre-requisite for office, rather than an aberration. The whole thing only offers entertainment and novelty value in observing the many and varied ways the Labor Party is self destructing. Even this provides little pleasure, as the alternative is far worse. The whole thing is just a grim reminder of how bleak our choices of elected representatives truly are.

So I haven’t been following the whole sordid Craig Thomson fiasco, because despite the salacious aspects of money misspent on porn and hookers, it all seems so strangely predictable. But I did happen to come across an article laying out in a neat table some of the things he allegedly paid for. I was amused to find, amongst some smaller charges to various brothels, that he allegedly spend $2475 on high-class escorts.

I suppose if you’re going to be paying for sex, it’s all the better if you’re paying with other people’s money, but this just seems like he (whoever "he" is) was taking the piss. Did he want to get caught? Did he figure, "Hey, if I’m going to risk destroying a lucrative high profile career, not to mention potentially destroying my marriage and causing huge embarrassment to myself and my family, I might as well go hard or go home…"

Although at the risk of demonstrating my naivety, what does $2475 buy from a high-class brothel or escort? Probably not that much. (Although if it did buy him an all night fuck-fest, then perhaps he’s in the wrong profession, and his stamina should instead be put to use as a male escort?) And is a $2475 fuck that much better than, say, a $247 dollar fuck? And is it worth risking a career and marriage for?

I really hope whatever he (or whoever) illegitimately paid for at least involved some good (dis)honest fucking, perhaps spiced up with a bit of kinky shit. I think the real tragedy of this whole thing would be if it turns out Thomson actually paid a lot of money to indulge some bizarre yet lame fetish — like getting expensive high-class hookers to put on red wigs and read from Hansard all night long.

Yet, I somehow think that’s the more likely scenario. Because if there is one thing Australian politicians have demonstrated in recent times, it’s that no matter how incompetent they might be, no matter how little they might manage to accomplish — they are at least very, very good at spending other people’s money. Especially on lame-ass stupid shit.

So it wouldn’t surprise me in the least to find out an Australian politician gave a lot of money to a high-class escort and then ended up not actually having sex with her. Especially a Labor party member. There’s a metaphor for the effectiveness of our illustrious political leaders right there.