There is an incredibly noisy family of dumbshit feral neighbors from hell living next door to me. In addition to the constant noise, frequent parties, loud music, death threats and abuse, there’s also the joy of having various members of the family screaming at each other in the driveway — which unfortunately runs right outside the bedrooms of my place. For some reasons these fuckwits seem incapable of getting into their cars and driving off without spending at least half an hour screaming at each other in the driveway first.

Occasionally, but all too rarely, this screaming results in some unintentional comedy gold.

This was the case the other night, when Dumbshit Mother and Dumbshit Daughter came home.

They get out of the car. Dumbshit Mother quickly starts making her way down the driveway to the back yard. Dumbshit P-plater Daughter stays near car, which happens to be parked near my bedroom window (and which never seems to have any L or P plates displayed, even when the kids are driving). This is roughly how the ensuing conversation goes down:

Daughter:

Did you lock the car?

Mother:

Yes, I locked it.

Daughter:

Are you sure you locked it?

Mother:

Yes I’m sure I locked it.

Daughter:

Did you press the thing?

Mother:

Yes I pressed the thing.

Daughter:

Are you sure you pressed the thing?

Mother:

Yes I pressed the thing.

Daughter:

But it’s not locked. Far out, why is this car so hard to lock? Press the thing again!

Mother:

I did press the thing!

Daughter:

But it’s not locked! Press it again! Did you press it?

Mother:

Yes I pressed it!

Daughter:

Oh wait, it was locked — you just unlocked it. Press it again.

Mother:

Is it locked?

Daughter:

Yes it’s locked, no wait you just unlocked it again. Press the thing again.

Mother:

Is it locked now?

Daughter:

No you pressed it twice, it’s still not locked! Press the thing again!

This goes on for about 5 minutes. It was like a lame-ass comedy sketch being played out outside my bedroom window. They are screaming loud enough for the whole street to hear, most likely completely oblivious to the level of stupidity they were loudly displaying. I’m hearing this and thinking: These people are obviously too stupid to drive. How did either of them manage to get their license? I think as part of the requirements to get a driver’s license, there should be a test to make sure the driver can lock and unlock their car first go — anyone who can’t is obviously too stupid to drive.